Same home for 17 years.

A lot of times students tend to get distracted in class. We stare off into space, just stop listening or just look out the window. Today as I was teacher aiding for a class I went into "lala land" and started staring out of the window. The scenery I had to look at was a perfect view of Woodland Park. I look at this town everyday, I live in this town and have since the day I was born.... And that's just the thing. I have lived in the same town everyday for the past 17 years. When you live somewhere for that long we all tend to start taking things that we see for granted. I can go to just about any given spot in Woodland Park and tell the story of a memory that I there. I can remember going to the local grocery store with my mom when I was like 4. and I can remember when the library was built. The majority of the movies I have seen in theaters, have been in our local to screen theater. Every last day of school since kintergarten I have spent at memorial park with my friends.
I've come to a realization that next year I won't be here. I have to go to somewhere new and make new memories with new friends. And as exciting as that sounds it scares me as well. Through my entire life I have had people kinda holding my hand, helping me do everything and decide the things I do.
Now I have to leave it all. Do everything by myself. And what if I mess something up? No one will be there to help me clean it up anymore. Everything I decide is what I decide and I always will have to live with it. And with that comes a lot of freedom but so much fear.
Above the excitment and the fear come sadness. I am sad to leave this place. I have been a lot of places like Jamaica and Africa and many states... But everytime I get to come home to Woodland Park. But as soon as I leave, this is no longer my home. And that saddens me. I won't know exactly where I'm driving, or where to get what. And the longer I stay away... The more the memories fade...

It's now my choice...

 About a month ago I went up to Fort Collins, Colorado to visit CSU. And after the tour, I decided to hang out with one of my friends, who brought me to parties. After about 5 different parties things got out of control and I decided it would be better to leave. And I did. But then, I found myself alone in a place I didn't know. I was lost, confused and cold.

The future has never been as scary as right now. Because my future is mine. No longer can anyone else choose where I go, what I do or who I am. As exciting as that sounds, at the same time it is beyond terrifying. The term "the IF in life" applies here. What IF I decide to go to college, or not to go to college, or to be a teacher, a dentist, an author. There are so many options and very little time. As I sit down on a daily basis and fill out application after application I open more and more options to myself, which is good but I'm just worried I will make the wrong decision. And IF I do make the wrong decision, no one will be there to clean it up for me. In last 17 years, I have always had someone holding my hand, telling me what to do and now all of a sudden, everyone walks away and I'm left standing there on my own with no idea where to go.